On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
