I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
