I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
