dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
