Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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