Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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