just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
