Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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