so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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