My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
