Fuck appropriateness.
high people should be assigned attendants
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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