I need help removing her.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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