Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
