Where is the hickey?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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