i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
