I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
