I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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