please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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