You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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