I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
