did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
