her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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