there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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