I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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