New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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