gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I believe in your delicious
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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