I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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