I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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