I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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