what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
