John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
