New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
