She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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