Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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