the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
