This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
