she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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