So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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