Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
