Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
