is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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