My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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