i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
