It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
