He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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