So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
