And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
