My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize