he thought i was a dude.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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