Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
