I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
