I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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