I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
