non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
