drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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