Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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