Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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