Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
