My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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