So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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