If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
