Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
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i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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