I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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