A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
