Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
