Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
