we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
