wrigley field is MILF paradise
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
