It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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